Maggi

I'm sure all of you familiar with the word 'Maggi'. In fact it is so powerful since most of the people use it on other brand of instant noodle. Whether it is Mamee or Cintan we still call them Maggi right? HAHA So, sume orang mesti pernah makan punyelah Maggi ni. Tipu lah kalau korang cakap korang tak pernah makan. Even my 9 years old sis love to eat it. Tapi die suke hirup kuah Maggi je la. Tak ire lah Maggi ke Cintan ke Mamee ke asalkan instant noodle.

In case you didn't know how Maggi look like

Back in hostel when lunch or dinner menu were tasteless, I would starved for a while and have a nice delicious Maggi after prep class. These Maggi are so precious in hostel because it is the most important menu during weekend especially midnight! Students tend to doze off extra time during weekend and missed their lunch or dinner time. Therefore they craved for these precious Maggi! In that time if you had a lot of Maggi stocks, I'm sure you get rich quick. HAHA 

When I was in Form 1, I hate when there is a spotcheck. You know why? Because the wardens will rampas these Maggi! And I'm guessing that these Maggi are 'barang haram' just like the handphone and other gadgets. LOL Till now I still don't understand why did these Maggi fall under that category. Oooh, I get it. The wardens were starving because their salary weren't enough to buy extra food for themselves!

When it comes to Maggi, of course we have to cook it. But there's a few ways to consume them according to Dr. Maggi which is me! Ngeh3 So, the 1st method is of course the hot water. Its a bit leceh but hey, no pain no gain. Sendiri nak makan kena lah rajin and finding a tupperware wasn't hard though. So, put the hard waxy noodle in the tupperware and pour some hot water in it just about the height of the noodle. Leave it for a while and scaterred the flavour around so that the hard waxy noodle will absorb the flavour. And there you go, nice hot and delicious Maggi.

2nd method is you don't have to use a tupperware, and hot water. This is the lazy method ladies and gents. FYI, the water cooler is very far! And this method was invented unintentionally. Aku akan jadi pelik kalau aku lapar and at that time I was hungry and tanpa berfikir masak2 aku terus membuka bungkusan Maggi tersebut. Then I feel stupid because I don't have a tupperware plus the kid I used to borrow his tupperware was not available. So, I sit down in front of my locker thinking how to find a tupperware. Then my finger started to cubit2 the hard waxy noodle and put it in my mouth. Hey, the tatse wasn't so bad and I wonder how it would taste if I sprinkle the flavour just like the 30 cents Mamee Monster. You know what, the taste went well and a bit spicy. The best of instant noodle to consume this way is the Ibumie Mi Goreng. Because they have kicap, sos and bawang goreng! Kriuk2 gitu. No hot water? No tupperware? No problem. 

Eat those Maggi just like you eat these Mamee monster!

The last method is done in kitchen at home. I don't know bout you guys but my way of preparing Maggi is different. As usual the height of water is the same as the height of the noodle because the kuah tak terlebih dan tak terkurang. Just the way i like it. Plus the kuah tak la tawar atau pekat. Then I take out the noodle out and boil the water simultaneously put the flavour in it. When the flavoured water boiled, I'll put the Maggi and an egg in it and quickly turned off the stove fire because I love the noodle to be a bit crunchy and the egg is kinda halfboiled. Aku tak suka Maggi kembang nanti muak nak makan. Telur pulak aku suke makan last2 lagi2 part yang kuning. Pehhhh! Masuk mulot meleleh2 kuning telur tu! Layann siaaa! Before that I love to pour a ton of chilli sauce in it. To enhance the spicy taste in it. Tak pedas tak sedap bro.

I think that's all about my way of having Maggi. You should try though. Btw, do share some of your weird method of having Maggi. Happy Monday yaww!

p/s : My dad ask me to cut down eating spicy food because he worries about my pimples. Haihh. 

So Many F Roadblocks Nowadays

Since last week I've been going out all night till dawn with my friends. Yelah, semenjak dua menjak ni ade kete terase ringan pulak nak tumpangkan orang. I kinda follow my brother driving habit which is not wearing the seatbelt and smoking while driving. Barulah brother2! HAHA

So, when driving of course the possibilities of having roadblock is very high. It crossed my mind a few times when I was on the road. Ade skali tu sumpah aku tak perasan ade roadblock! I was on my way from Stulang to Susur with the intention to visit the Maknyahs! LOL Gler gelabah aku pakai seatbelt! FYI, seatbelt were made to prevent our body being thrown out of the car during collision. Generally if we pull the seatbelt quickly, it will not work! And thats what happened to me! Aku da lah hyperhydrosis. Time gelabah2 lagi la menjadi2 peloh aku meleleh2. Armpits and palms sweat like shit! Nasib baik ade co-pilot. He helped me with the seatbelt very well.(cukup bulan naik gaji eh co-pilot) Ngeh3

I hate roadblocks! Why? In JB the road are wide enough to try each lane if there's no car. But when there's a roadblock, those police will closed or narrowed the road to 1 lane only! If I was on the wrong lane it will be difficult for me to cucuk2 masuk lane belah sane. Then if I was on the right lane, all the F drivers from other lane will make the 'muka mintak kaki' and just went in the lane without feeling sorry. Lagi2 kalau kete Mercedes, BMW and other big cars. Felt like giving them a middle finger straight to their faces! Tau lah aku kete Waja je. Tak payah nak kabot sangat la siaaa! Everyone is using the road so don't act like the road is yours alone. Macam jalan tu ade name bapak kau je. Kat JB ade name Jalan Salim kot tak de aku nak kabot2 macam korang. Hope you all die with your F big cars in your coffin! And all of these happened because of this one stupid roadblock! Still don't get it what is the purpose of having these stupid roadblocks? Nak saman orang? Aik. Ramai tak de lesen lepas je roadblock tu aku tengok. =.='

Yar3. You the boss. Close all the roads if you could.

Last Friday I fetch some of my friends and there's a roadblock at the road before the Petronas, Shell and McDonald UTM. Nothing happened actually. Maybe the policemen afraid of my brutal face. HAHA! Tomorrow night the same place had a roadblock and also the night after tomorrow! WTF! 3 nights straight! How annoying can it be? The 3rd night I was being told to move aside by the policeman.

'IC dan lesen.'

'Dari mane ni sume?'

'Dari Taman U. Lepak2 mamak tengok bola tadi.'

'Pasang lah Astro kat umah. Tak payah nak susah2 g mamak lagi.'

'Haha' (gelak tak ikhlas) 

'Tu ape tu?'

'Payung. Nak?' 

'Eh, die nak bagi payung. Amek ni nanti hujan bole gune ye tak?'

Aik? Suka hati kau je nak suruh aku pasang Astro? Kalau kau nak pasang kan tak pe la jgak. One more thing, payung pun tak kenal ke? Owhh, police only knew how guns look like. Duhhh, payung pun tak kenal ke bro? Tak kan payung pun nak anggap senjata bro? Agak2 la bro. And one thing for sure, your sense of humour really tickles my ass!

I know that the community feel much safer with police patrol or what so ever the police did. But 3 nights straight at the same place? Seriously annoying. Did you all know about the A.C.A.B? Yar yar yar, the Absolute Chaotic Asian Band. That's just the make up band name to camouflage the truth meaning. And I like the truth meaning for the moment. Have a happy Wednesday!

A.C.A.B Owh yeahh!

p/s : I want to play Counter Strike all day long, be the Terrorist and kill all the Cops a.k.a Counter-Terrorist with a multiple headshot and HE grenade so that their corps are torn into pieces!  

Tak Senonoh

This month kinda slow for new post. 1st I'm busy with my final exam then I kinda need to pay all my sleep debt this semester break because of late night study during final exam. (da memang kuat tido saje cari alasan) HAHA! So, I want to share things that I did way back in my primary school era.

I studied in Chinese primary school in Segamat. SRJKC Seg Hwa Segamat to be the school where I turned to devil. I mixed up with the Chinese pretty well. Yeah, pretty well and I mean it. I learned how to steal, fight, stalk, curse and most important thing that I learned was sex. All of these things I've learned when I was 9 years old. Ya Allah, terok nye kau Jay2. But, the most interesting part of being such a devil was peeping girls underwear! LOL

Of course all of you knew that girls uniform in Chinese school is the pinafore. So, when Monday we have assembly at the hall. Back then my class was at the highest storey of the school block and of course we had to use the staircase to go to the hall. This is where I peeps the girls underwear. We line up in front of the class and boys will be lining up at the front of the girls. So, when I went down the staircase, I looked up. Guess what? I can saw many types of undie and hotpants of those girls. Cunning eyh? HAHA!

In case you didn't know. This is pinafore.

No need to say much.

What a very stupid thing to do. Hey, don't blame me. I'm very naive and immature. Blame my friends for teaching me. HAHA! What an experience. But I won't forget when I saw some boys didn't wear anything at all other than short uniform pants! No wonder my friends didn't unzipped when they pee. They just simply pull their pants at a suitable height and there you are, urine goes out. Efficient eyh? LOL

p/s : Go to Chinese school, easy to score Biology subject in the future. 

Origin

Ahhh... I love the smell of new entry being post here. It has been a while since the last entry. Yar yar yar, I know you all waiting for me (perasan) and today I'm gonna talk about myself because most of my entry I talked about things that happened around me. So, lets try something new okayh.

Some of you knew me very well and some of you didn't. As you can see on the top right side of this blog stated 

 'JEJEH zafrullah (not the real name)' 

See it? Kalau tak nampak maksudnye korang tinggal lagi 3 Jumaat untuk hidup. HAHA! Kidding. Why I wrote '(not the real name)' there? Its not that I dislike my name but I prefer all of you call me JEJEH. Plus, some of you are pelats and I think its hard for the pelats to call me ZAFRULLAH. Secara tak langsung orang2 pelat ni tak payah lah nak bersusah payah panggil aku ZAFRULLAH. JEJEH suda. Prihatin kan? HAHA!

'Asal panggil kau JAY2?'

'Jauh gler name betol ngan name panggilan kau'

'Name Islamik siaa, tapi perangai macam harrrrmmm'

'Name tak padan ngan tuan nye'

So, those are the ayat common came out from some F peoples stinky mouth! Why Jay2 or JEJEH or Juju or whatever lahh represents me? 1st of all my late grandfather gave the name. When I was a little kid about 3 or 4 years old (can't recall) I have this very special pillow. Senang citer bantal busuk aku ah. Sampai sekarang masih ade lagi bantal tersebut. (tak bole tido kalaw tak de) Asal? Tak bole ke laki tua bangke da nak kawen ade bantal busuk? Hidup aku, aku pnye pasal la. (emosi tbe2) Back then the sarung bantal is pink in colour with Popeye's drawing on it and I loved to gentel2 every tip of the pillow untill koyak. HAHA! Don't ask why I loved to do that, just think positive and it is my bad habit till now! Back to my late grandfather. He always noticed that if I was with my pillow, air liur aku mesti menJEJEH. A lighted bulb appeared on his head and

'Yayi nak panggil JEJEH la. Air liur die asik menJEJEH je bile pelok bantal busuk tu'

That's the special pillow a.k.a bantal busuk.

 So, as time goes by the name JEJEH change to Jay2 then Jay then JJ and lastly J. HAHA! Dunia da maju zaman da berubah. The name JEJEH evolve through out the years because people nowadays are lazy as pigs! Lagi2 text message, sume nk short form. 

Mohammad Zafrullah Bin Salim. Don't call me ZAF or any short name you can find in ZAFRULLAH because its annoying! Two choices for you, its either ZAFRULLAH or JJ. Other than that, my middle finger will raise for you. Yar yar yar, the name ZAFRULLAH kinda Islamic but I'm not that kind of person. Ok. 1st of all I'm a Muslim. Mesti la name kena melambangkan agama betol tak? Lagi pun mase aku lahir bukan nye aku dok bincang skali ngan mak bapak sedara makcik2 sume nak letak name ape. Aku terima je la kan. Korang ade ke dok bincang skali time nk bagi name? Kalau ade aku tak bole nk cakap ape la kecuali F liars. Sometimes I felt ashamed of myself. Yela, name macam ahli syurga tapi perangai macam ahli sihir. Tak bole nak buat ape2 derr, kalau aku tau perangai aku macam ni la kan, awal2 lagi aku soh mak bapak aku letak name garang sikit. Stone Cold ke, The Rock ke kn? HAHA! Ape yang penting I've had a very very bitter memories about people who call me ZAF. Die je lah makhluk yang pertama panggil aku ZAF and she thinks that she was a special person regarding calling me ZAF. Once again F you!

'ZAF! Tutup kan lampu'

Eeeeeuuuuwwwww! Eh, makan taik bole? Even my parents call me JJ and who the hell are you to call me ZAF? And it happened in the class during Form 4. At that time the class was very quiet and suddenly that horrible voice spread to everyone in the class. Macam biasa, that incident spread to the whole world in a blink of an eye. Sucks!

And that's all about the origin of my name. To all the ASPER-ians Semester 1, enjoy your holiday and have a safe journey home. See you all next year and have a happy Monday!

p/s : Some people thought that my name was MOHD. JAY2. How sad can it be?

         

Subang ke Shah Alam?

Wooot2! Sumpah miang gila tangan waa nk post entry ni! Before this aku ade cakap yang I'll be away for a while due to exams. But hey, who cares! So, ni betul2 punye last entry sebab aku nk 'Fokus Untuk Capai Kejayaan. (F.U.C.K) Pelik2 je budak2 sekarang. Perkataan FUCK yang penuh dengan keganasan serta kejahatan pun boleh jadi something positive.

Yesterday, my friend Zamer came to KL from Terengganu. Die ni budak ALAM. Ade exam dekat mane entah. Disebabkan kerinduan yang melampau terhadap beliau (strictly no gayness!), my friend rented a car for the night just to went out with dak ALAM poyo ni. HAHA! (suke ek kau soh aku ngan mamat pusing2 KL) 9.30 PM, brader rambot panjang with a silver KELISA-VO (our rented car) came. Excitedly I gave him all the document and giving some signature and I'm good to go! Yeehaaaw! Suddenly I realised something! 

'Bang! Meter minyak ni rosak ke?'

'Tak lah. Minyak tu memang cukup2 untuk g petronas dpn tu.'

Terbaik! Aku memang suke lawak brader ni. Ape salah nye bagi minyak lebih sikit. Mentang2 la sewa murah (RM35 for halfday) minyak pun die bagi cukup2 makan. Ciettt! So, I've to go to petronas lah, to isi the minyak. Biasalah kan, I rarely drive. Bila dapat kereta tu rase cam gugup plak tiba2. Dang! Lagi sekentot jek nk parking kat pam minyak enjin kereta waa mati. Malu siaaa awek nampak! FYI, most of the car that I familiar with, tempat nak isi minyak punya button tu aku tau dekat mane. Usually at right-side of the driver's chair. But this KELISA-VO is way too different!

'Paan, mane tempat bukak nye huh?'

'Tah la Jay. Mesti ade sekitar2 sini. Ni tempat bonet. Mesti ade nye.'

'Cari cepat Paan, sumpah aku tak tau kat ne!' 

At this time, I was thinking like 'Am I going to open it manually?' Suddenly a 'click' sound reached my ears. Finally! After sweat and tears of finding that F button! Then, we picked up mamat and drove to Subang! Wuuhhuuu! (bes siaa kalau ade kete sendiri!)

When Zamer arrived at his hotel De Palma I think, he said that he's at SS19. Usually this SS thingy located at Subang. Upon reaching Subang we salah masuk jalan! Damn! Bila salah jalan kena lah u-turn balik kan. Finding the u-turn was like.......(baik balik JB) It was far far far away lah the u-turn. Tak suka siaa aku ngan jalan kat KL ni. In the middle of the road I called Imran to wait for us at KLCC and suddenly Zamer called me and said that he was lepak-ing at a place call Kamal's Corner opposite Pasaraya Bintang at SS7. I don't know who is Kamal but one thing for sure I had to go to SS7 first! Arrived at Subang (dekat 3 kali aku pusing Subang Parade), we can't find a signboard stated 'SS7' or 'Kamal's Corner'. Kinda frustrated at that time. 

'Kau kat ne siaa?'

'Aku kat seksyen 7 ni laa. Kat Kamal Corner.'

'Yelaaaa. Seksyen 7 tu kat ne? Aku da pusing Subang Parade 3 kali ni.'

'Kau follow signboard Padang Jawa tu haa.'

Yeahh! It's better if you said it earlier sebab minyak memang aku isi full tank! Bila waa da smpai Shah Alam si Zamer cakap die kat Kamal's Corner tu lagi. Yar yar yar. We knew that already! Plus, he said that it's near the KFC and Pizza Hut. FYI, Shah Alam ade UiTM. After a few times sesat we thought we must ask someone lah. Bak kate orang segan bertanya sesat jalan dik oiii! You know what's bullshit? Kamal's Corner dekat je ngan UiTM Shah Alam tu. Kenapa lah kau tak cakap awal2 Zamer oii! Lu memang saje nak bagi ktorang sesat kan? HAHA! F 

Yang gelap tu lah Zamer. Mksd aku baju gelap k. No offense. LOL

Next, angkut Imran kat KLCC! In the middle of the road I've received a text message :

'Da smpi nnt kejut kan aku eh?'

HAHA! Lu nganjeng tak bole blah ah Imran. It's all Zamer's fault. Waa ingat nak je langgar die time kat Shah Alam tu. Bagi salam perkenalan sikit kat die. So, we all stop a while at PELITA, the famous mamak in KL. Not the mamaks, but the restaurant. Imran walked there and I thought he was alone. He brought along his friend. Time salam2 tiba2 Imran bisik "baru kenal tadi" WTF. Maka bermulalah cerita sadis seorang kawan yang baru sje kenal ni.

'Nama saya Marwan. Saya asal Sungai Petani, Kedah. Hajat saya mai KL ni nak cari keja. Tapi hari tu saya kena rompak kat Jln Duta. Suma abih kena kebas. Tnggal dompet ngan IC ja.'

'Mak bapak kau tahu tak? Nah, call la mak bapak kau.'

'Tak tau lagi. Lagi pun mak saya sakit. Tak nak susah kn hati mereka.' 

From left : Marwan, Imran. Sori der gmba blurr. Lu xreti dok diam.

At the time we ordered 2 pieces of roti canai for our friend here. Pity him lah kalau da kena rompak duit takde nasib baik die masih lagi berbaju dan seluar. LOL. So, we chat and laughed with the intention to cheer up this Kedah guy. Still can't believe him 100% though. Yar, he looks innocent. We knew! But, even some of our friends didn't get our trust why should him? He's a stranger and its KL derr. Anything is possible. In the end, I asked Imran to come along with me to the counter and we had some discussion.

'Weh, member kau tu cam ne?'

'Ahh, td da tapau roti pas tu kte bagi die duit ckt la.'

'Ok2. Kte bg dlm RM15 lah ek.'

Yes. We shake hands and advised him to be a little more gangsta in face expression so that people takde hati nk ngepau. After that, we all had a blast! Yeehaaawwww! Most important thing is we helped that Kedah guy. Of course we didn't trust him 100% but that's the least we can do to ease up his probs.(kalau betol la) So, if he cheated us, thats his rezeki lah kn. If it was the other way round, we glad that we've helped him even though it was not much. Credit to Imran kerana menjadi seorang yang friendly habis! Not to forget Zamer, yela, kalau Zamer tak lengah2 takde la Imran nak tegur si Kedah guy tu. 


'haha..oke2..but still x luak mne pn an..agipn,18 thun skali je kot aku tlong org cmtu..yg lain tu,biarlh die brurusan dgn-Nya..'


 Ayat Imran yang aku petik dari komen fesbuk dia. Sorry aku tak copy smpai habis sebab, the last sentence tu kinda Ghey!(bagi aku la) HAHA! 

p/s : DM = Dataran Merdeka. Not Dewan Makan! F

Away For A While

No more entry for this few weeks. Sorry dear followers. I know you all crave for more of my entry. (perasan) HAHA! Btw, next week I'll have my final exam. DAMN. Why does exams exist? Right now, I'm having the bad-est flu ever! Hingus are everywhere. Really distracted my focus of studying. Cehh. Alasan je lebih tu. So, wait for me on 16/11. By that time I've finish my exams and I have all the time I want to wrote more entry. Adios amigos!

P/s : 'exam fever'? Nahh, its 'flu fever' okayh. =.='

Jamban

Tiba-tiba dapat ilham nak post entry ni. Actually, baru lepas frying some sausages for my sister after studying agriculture along with facebook.(ngadap facebook je lebih) Obviously, sausages got nothing to do with the topic oke. So, here we go.


JAMBAN. Bukan karoke JAMBAN tapi JAMBAN. Get it? HAHA! Sememang nye JAMBAN adalah alat untuk kita (manusia. binatang pun boleh jugak) untuk membuang segala hajat yang terpendam. Other than that, it makes us more civilised. Yela, kalau tak de JAMBAN kita akan berak + kencing merata-rata! Imagine the world without these precious JAMBAN! LOL. Basically there are 2 types of JAMBAN. JAMBAN duduk and JAMBAN cangkung.

JAMBAN duduk. Sumpah tak best!

Why this kind of JAMBAN was created? Sumpah aku tak suke!  I came from kampung. It means that I was born with not silver spoon but with the JAMBAN cangkung. When natures called, I'll definitely choose JAMBAN cangkung. If I had no choice, I'll still cangkung on these JAMBAN duduk! Weird? Teeettt! It's disgusting oke! Plus, my poop wouldn't had the chance to see the world if I duduk. Have you ever wonder what kind of germs and other disgusting thing that would have stick around those JAMBAN duduk? For example, If I'm kinda explode because holding my pee for too long I would just scattered around the JAMBAN. Lagi2 kalau yang 'cherry-berry'. Kompem bersepah-sepah poop all around it. Not to forget there might be some semen of those hormones raging bastards! Just imagine if you sit on it. Eeeuuuwwww!

'Please don't sit on us! We are supposed to be in women's vagina!'

No satisfaction at all!

So, I prefer the nice and stress-free JAMBAN cangkung because if all of the dsigusting things happened to be around the JAMBAN, I don't have to worry at all. Kalau cangkung bontot waa tak kena kat JAMBAN tu. Tak de la aku terduduk atas those precious semen! HAHA! Taik pun keluar dengan bahagia nya tanpa bantuan minyak pelincir. Ni baru tandas lelaki, kalau tandas perempuan tak tau lah ape yang akan korang jumpe. (fikir bukan2) HAHA!

p/s : Agreed? You should be! Disagreed? Pity those sperms. LOL!

Thank You 2

1st of all I want to thank you for those who are following this shitty crap. I'm very very the happy because Teacher Linda who was my English teacher back in SAKTI said something about my blog! Waa macam tak percaye siaa. HAHA! (perasaan macam baru lepas berak) Thank you teacher!

That's the answer for the Maknyahs entry.

p/s : Teacher, rase nye kalau Sir Azman read about his entry dia cool tak?