Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Melayu ke Cina ?

Bace tajuk da taw da aku nk cita pasal ape. Just now ade sorang makcik tengah berdiri kat luar pintu lif. Maybe she forgot to bring along her card and therefore she can't enter. She stand there waiting for someone to come with a card to swipe on the gate so that she can enter the elevator. Fortunately I came to save her day. Pity her though. Da la tua kerepot bawak barang tak macam berat pulak kn. Cam ne aku taw barang tu berat ? Sebab aku yang tolong angkat kn. Baik kan aku ? HAHA All of sudden got cahaya Illahi to help that makcik. Before I forget she is Chinese. 

Then we entered the elevator together. Sweet kn ? HIHI Hanya aku dan makcik tu je dalam lif tersebut. Tibe2 tangan aku dan makcik tu meraba2. Setelah puas meraba2 kami guna kan mase yang ade seblom lif tiba di tingkat 6 (umah aku) dengan berkenalan dan bermesraan. When the elevator reached the 6th floor I hold her hands and said goodbye. Aku keluar lif dengan muka puas. Ahhh.. Puas gler.

Balik ke topik asal. When I went to help that makcik she said 

'Xie xie ni ah'  

WTF ? I'm Malay laa makcik. But I just smiled and said you're welcome in Chinese. Serius pelik. Why she speak Chinese with me ? Do I look like org Cina ? Seriously someone tell me do I have the Chinese fetish ? Sejak sekolah menengah lagi my friends ejek Cina, colok, sepet and others that related to Chinese. When I was a kid I do looked like Chinese. But now I've got pimples everywhere and my skin gets darker due to often exposed by sunlight but still people thought that aku org Cina.

After SPM I worked at Silver Planet as promoter. Well, many Chinese people asked me in Chinese regarding the price or whatever they wanted to ask. Kadang2 aku rase cam Melayu murtad. HAHA Lepas diorang tnye dalam bahase Cina diorang akan buat mke orang bau taik kude. Then they will ask

'Eh, you Chinese ka Malay?'

Every single time someone ask me in Chinese they will paused for a while and ask me if Im Malay or Chinese. Frust jgak kadang2. Tapi ape bole bwat. Orang ingat aku ni Jay Chou agak nye. HAHA

To clear out the air, meraba2 dalam lif tu actually meraba2 button lif ye. Holding hands is where I gave her things back. Muka puas ? HAHA Puas la dapat tolong orang. Seriously no hanky panky. I do have a taste ok. Orang tua pulak tu. Kedut2 suda. HAHA Berkenalan dan bermesra, we chat for a while in the elevator. That's all. For those who may think negatively, you should go to the nearest washing machine and rinse your brain out.


p/s : I think I will hang a board that said 'If you think I'm Chinese you're damn stupid'.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Bangsat

Lame sial tak update. Ni mungkin sebab bosan sangat duduk umah sampai tak taw nak post ape lagi. Hari ni post yang sangat bangsat from me untuk anda semua so bear with me.

 2 days ago is the day. People were posting in Fesbuk about their results and so do I. Of cos people like me result kompem macam bangsat. HAHA Mane tak bangsat, keje enjoy je. Study last minute. People studies to obtain knowledge and used in daily life ahead. As for me, I studied for exam only. So, nawaitu dah lain jadi result pung macam harrmmmm.


Result aku yang sangat bangsat

Kenapa bangsat ? Sebab pointer aku tak lepas 3.00 tapi aku bersyukur kerana pointer aku lebih 2.5. Alhamdulillah. Actually the result tak de la bangsat mane. The process of checking the result was quiete bangsat. That's why I called this 'result bangsat'. A week earlier, kecoh babi 1 Fesbuk pasal result kuar hari ni lah hari tu lah, esok makan taik lah, lusa makan kapur barus lah. Sampai satu tahap tu too many informations about the result and I'm the one watching their comments felt like I'm in the world of Malaysian politics yang entah hape2. F habis. Then came out the 'hero' who saved the day. Kind of. Last Thursday he/she (couldn't recall) made a statement that result can be check that night. Some of them already check and started showed off on Fesbuk 'Alhamdulilahh... pointer aku plg tinggi', 'Yes! Next sem da bole lepak2' and some of them were trying to beg sympathy 'Macam mane ni, teruk gler result aku.', 'Tak pe la, mungkin sem depan rezki aku, doa kn aku eh.' Eeiiii... meluat habis aku bace. Aku excited jugak nak cek, unfortunately I was lepak-ing at the McD nearby my house. Plus, my handphone doesn't have WLAN. Got torchlight only for camping in the woods. About 3 a.m I went home and saw those status being post on Fesbuk.

1st of all I search the link on someone's post on Fesbuk. Finding the link was like cooking for me. Susah nak mampos! Apesal tah. Macam bangsat. My mates created a group on Fesbuk for our batch in UPM. I went there to see all the comments and posts hopefully got the link that I wanted. It failed me. Everyone were so eager to rate and comment on their own result with others. But that didn't stopped me. I kept on searching on every wall of my friends to see whether they have posted or shared the link. Mata aku da rabak habis. Dekat pukul 4 a.m baru aku jumpe link tersebut. Finally! Bangsat betol. Dalam banyak2 komen and status, amoi sorang ni je yang aku dpt jmpe die share link ni kat orang ramai. Yang lain sume tengah tacing2. Bodo jek. Amoi ni relax je bai. Tak de nak tacing2. Mgkn die 4 flat sbb tu die tak tacing kot. HEHE So, thanks to this Amoi.

Berpeloh jugak la ketiak aku mencari link ni. Ketiak belah kanan extreme sikit peloh die. Without wasting any time I click on the link and Taddaaaa ! Aku lupe ape password aku. Bangsat betol laa. Sumpah aku lupe! Seingat aku, I only use one password for all account. Fesbuk, Utube, Blogger, Myspace etc.(perlu ke mention Myspace?) So, I've try all the possible password that I may used as password to certain account. Ngalahkan hacker professional nak break the code but couldn't log in. I went back to Fesbuk to search anything that related to the log in troubleshooting. At the same time azan Subuh berkumandang and I looked at the clock. Bangsat betol la. Nak log in jadah ni nak cek result makan mase siaaa. Baik aku tido je kan. Then I found someone's comment that said he can logged in a few hours ago but now he couldn't. Dangg ! Kalaw aku taw awal2 lagi aku da tido.

Suddenly my neck hurts and I woke up on the sofa. Giler punye portal. Nak log in pun payah sampai aku tertido atas sofa. Nasib baek tak meletop lappy aku. I made an assumption that the portal can be log in during office hour. So, I tried again and it won't work. I gave up and visited the UPM portal and found this

Click on the picture for better view.

read the 'pengumuman' section. So, what the hell are you guys gelabah sangat ek? Tak payah nk gelabah sangat la siaa. Can't wait to show off and begging sympathy. Serius bangsat. Setelah penat lelah sembelit menunggu akhirnye result aku kuar 2 hari lepas and aku terasa seperti nk berak ble tgk result aku yang macam bangsat tu. Da la nak cek log in tak bole2. Ble da dpt log in cam ni plak result nye.

About the result aku amat berbangga walaupun 2.7 je pointer aku. Ape yang penting ape yg aku blaja gler2 babi pnye hard tak dpt B / A. Yang aku tak blaja pulak dpt B / A. So pas ni aku tak blaja la. Bole dapat 4 flat. HAHA Besides I studied for exam only kn. This is what I deserve and I made a status on Fesbuk and my friend said something valuable to me.



Thank you Etan. Click on the picture for better view.

 I made up a theory from his words. If I cut my hair aku akan blaja. And I cut my hair right after that. Wise decision eh? HAHA Bangsat.



p/s : Glory glory Man Utd for tonight match with Chelsea !

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Boredom

1st post for this month! Wuhaaaa! Rageeeee!

I feel like an idiot watching cartoons and crappy Indon drama or what so ever every evening of my life on this semester break! I watched cartoon when I was a kid but my type of cartoons are way more quality than what kids are watching nowadays. Way back in 2001 my dad bought this Waja and got free Astro. I was 9 years old and I discovered these cool channel on Astro which are Cartoon Network, Disney Channel, and Nickelodeon. There were tons of very very cool cartoons to watch and you wouldn't get bored. Plus, its in English! Original sound or language for most of the cartoons. I hate when my cousins and nephew came and change the language when watching cartoons. Astro have this particular button that can alter the language of the channel you are watching. So, they changed it and it sucks. Typical Meleis. Never even wanted to try watching the cartoons in its original language. Hey, I learned my English from these freaking Astro cartoons. And you know what, I love to add Malay subtitle on the screen just to learn English. See, I got to satisfied myself watching cartoons and learned English at the same time! How benefit was that? I feel grateful that I had Astro back then. My friends always ask me why my English is so good? I said 'I learned from cartoons' and they would make a troll face after hearing my answer. Cartoons is the total solutions for kids to learn English. So, Astro for my kids in the future. Ngeh3


Another thing is the Indon's drama. Dem sheet! I totally hate it! I don't know why but its F-ing annoying! I can't even understand what are the actors and actresses saying and their face expressions are so F-ing irritating! Plus, the camera will zoom in on their face expression like thousand times just to show how ugly their faces are. The most annoying thing is the hot and sexy actresses with just an inch to exposed their vagina in the drama would always say 'Ya Allah', 'Astargfirullah', 'Aku percaya sama Allah, Allah akan melindungi aku' and something like that. F-ing stupid. HAHA You believe in Allah yet you dressed like there's no cloth anymore in Indon. Owhh I forgot, all of the clothes were washed away by tsunami and burned by the volcanoes lava! LOL


Every evening except weekends I would rather go to sleep than watching tv. Now you know why I always sleep every evening (ni bukan alasan kuat tido tp kisah benar) HAHA My dad will finish cooking before 1.30 pm because he wants to watch the news on TV3. After the news finish at 2.00 pm I will have my lunch and go to bed after that because its the time for my sis to take over the whole tv! At 2.00 pm on TV3 got this Indon's drama called Alisa. I don't know how my sis got attracted to this drama. Is it a trend for kids nowadays to follow these Indon's drama? =.='


Nia Ramadhani is hot but F this drama though.
This show last for an hour but at 2.30 pm there is Wonder pets on TV9. My sis will change to TV9 and watch the stupid hamster, tortoise and the duck-like bird. It is stupid because the language is in Malay. As you know that Wonder pets sing most of the time. So, when it change to Malay they try to sing it base on the original tune and it sucks! 'Apa yang penting? Kerjasama!!' Shut the F up please.


The next show is Danny Phantom. Ok, I love this cartoons but in English. When it comes to Malay version once again it sucks! Why TV9 change the language of the cartoons? Shouldn't they keep the original version so that kids nowadays can learn something while not doing their homeworks. Haihh...

F the Malay version.

Right after Danny Phantom is Rocko's Modern Life. Cartoon ni tak best langsung! Aku tak tau kenape tapi memang aku tak suke. Lagi pun gambar serta lukisan cartoon die tak lawa and tak menarik. So, kte skip citer ni. After that is Kappa Mikey. This cartoon is hillarious but like I say earlier, in English. In Malay version lawak dalam cartoon ni tak jadi! Dan aku akan tergelak sebab lawak die tak jadi seraya terasa bodoh seketika. 



Then, its Catdog time. I don't like this cartoon also because the theme song is like someone babbling alien language and I can only hear clearly the word 'Catdog'. Theme song is a factor for me to watch certain cartoons. Stupid composer. Make another better Catdog theme song for me will you? 

Real life Catdog! HAHA

After that at 5.00 pm is the famous and hillarious Spongebob Squarepants. God! Love this cartoon very much! HAHA See, I'm laughing already. The theme song is very creative and funny. The characters are very funny especially Patrick 'Dumbass' Star. The jokes are very funny and you can't never forget. But on TV9 its in Malay. So, just like Kappa Mikey its hard to catch the jokes though. And some of the script in English has been altered when the Malay version take over. I'm a fan of Spongebob and I can memorise all the episode that have been showed on tv very detail on what Ptarick will say after this and so on. HAHA What a geek. And there goes my favourite cartoons that had been abused by Malay language. Es-hul

Great cartoon but violated by Malay language on TV9.
After this is Mutiara Hati I think. Another Indon's drama. I can't understand my sis would watch this Indon's drama. From 2.00 pm to 6.30 pm she takes over the tv with all the shitty craps that I mentioned up there. And I can't touch the remote because she would cry and mengengek2 kat ayah aku. So, I had to watch all the crappy show for the whole evening. That's why I rather go to bed than watching tv with my sis. Serius bodoh kartun2 yang di translatekan ni. Aku tengok pun terase bodoh. 

 


p/s : I didn't google the list of programmes but I memorise them. Fixed me if i'm wrong.


Monday, November 29, 2010

Maggi

I'm sure all of you familiar with the word 'Maggi'. In fact it is so powerful since most of the people use it on other brand of instant noodle. Whether it is Mamee or Cintan we still call them Maggi right? HAHA So, sume orang mesti pernah makan punyelah Maggi ni. Tipu lah kalau korang cakap korang tak pernah makan. Even my 9 years old sis love to eat it. Tapi die suke hirup kuah Maggi je la. Tak ire lah Maggi ke Cintan ke Mamee ke asalkan instant noodle.

In case you didn't know how Maggi look like

Back in hostel when lunch or dinner menu were tasteless, I would starved for a while and have a nice delicious Maggi after prep class. These Maggi are so precious in hostel because it is the most important menu during weekend especially midnight! Students tend to doze off extra time during weekend and missed their lunch or dinner time. Therefore they craved for these precious Maggi! In that time if you had a lot of Maggi stocks, I'm sure you get rich quick. HAHA 

When I was in Form 1, I hate when there is a spotcheck. You know why? Because the wardens will rampas these Maggi! And I'm guessing that these Maggi are 'barang haram' just like the handphone and other gadgets. LOL Till now I still don't understand why did these Maggi fall under that category. Oooh, I get it. The wardens were starving because their salary weren't enough to buy extra food for themselves!

When it comes to Maggi, of course we have to cook it. But there's a few ways to consume them according to Dr. Maggi which is me! Ngeh3 So, the 1st method is of course the hot water. Its a bit leceh but hey, no pain no gain. Sendiri nak makan kena lah rajin and finding a tupperware wasn't hard though. So, put the hard waxy noodle in the tupperware and pour some hot water in it just about the height of the noodle. Leave it for a while and scaterred the flavour around so that the hard waxy noodle will absorb the flavour. And there you go, nice hot and delicious Maggi.

2nd method is you don't have to use a tupperware, and hot water. This is the lazy method ladies and gents. FYI, the water cooler is very far! And this method was invented unintentionally. Aku akan jadi pelik kalau aku lapar and at that time I was hungry and tanpa berfikir masak2 aku terus membuka bungkusan Maggi tersebut. Then I feel stupid because I don't have a tupperware plus the kid I used to borrow his tupperware was not available. So, I sit down in front of my locker thinking how to find a tupperware. Then my finger started to cubit2 the hard waxy noodle and put it in my mouth. Hey, the tatse wasn't so bad and I wonder how it would taste if I sprinkle the flavour just like the 30 cents Mamee Monster. You know what, the taste went well and a bit spicy. The best of instant noodle to consume this way is the Ibumie Mi Goreng. Because they have kicap, sos and bawang goreng! Kriuk2 gitu. No hot water? No tupperware? No problem. 

Eat those Maggi just like you eat these Mamee monster!
The last method is done in kitchen at home. I don't know bout you guys but my way of preparing Maggi is different. As usual the height of water is the same as the height of the noodle because the kuah tak terlebih dan tak terkurang. Just the way i like it. Plus the kuah tak la tawar atau pekat. Then I take out the noodle out and boil the water simultaneously put the flavour in it. When the flavoured water boiled, I'll put the Maggi and an egg in it and quickly turned off the stove fire because I love the noodle to be a bit crunchy and the egg is kinda halfboiled. Aku tak suka Maggi kembang nanti muak nak makan. Telur pulak aku suke makan last2 lagi2 part yang kuning. Pehhhh! Masuk mulot meleleh2 kuning telur tu! Layann siaaa! Before that I love to pour a ton of chilli sauce in it. To enhance the spicy taste in it. Tak pedas tak sedap bro.

I think that's all about my way of having Maggi. You should try though. Btw, do share some of your weird method of having Maggi. Happy Monday yaww!


p/s : My dad ask me to cut down eating spicy food because he worries about my pimples. Haihh. 

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

So Many F Roadblocks Nowadays

Since last week I've been going out all night till dawn with my friends. Yelah, semenjak dua menjak ni ade kete terase ringan pulak nak tumpangkan orang. I kinda follow my brother driving habit which is not wearing the seatbelt and smoking while driving. Barulah brother2! HAHA

So, when driving of course the possibilities of having roadblock is very high. It crossed my mind a few times when I was on the road. Ade skali tu sumpah aku tak perasan ade roadblock! I was on my way from Stulang to Susur with the intention to visit the Maknyahs! LOL Gler gelabah aku pakai seatbelt! FYI, seatbelt were made to prevent our body being thrown out of the car during collision. Generally if we pull the seatbelt quickly, it will not work! And thats what happened to me! Aku da lah hyperhydrosis. Time gelabah2 lagi la menjadi2 peloh aku meleleh2. Armpits and palms sweat like shit! Nasib baik ade co-pilot. He helped me with the seatbelt very well.(cukup bulan naik gaji eh co-pilot) Ngeh3

I hate roadblocks! Why? In JB the road are wide enough to try each lane if there's no car. But when there's a roadblock, those police will closed or narrowed the road to 1 lane only! If I was on the wrong lane it will be difficult for me to cucuk2 masuk lane belah sane. Then if I was on the right lane, all the F drivers from other lane will make the 'muka mintak kaki' and just went in the lane without feeling sorry. Lagi2 kalau kete Mercedes, BMW and other big cars. Felt like giving them a middle finger straight to their faces! Tau lah aku kete Waja je. Tak payah nak kabot sangat la siaaa! Everyone is using the road so don't act like the road is yours alone. Macam jalan tu ade name bapak kau je. Kat JB ade name Jalan Salim kot tak de aku nak kabot2 macam korang. Hope you all die with your F big cars in your coffin! And all of these happened because of this one stupid roadblock! Still don't get it what is the purpose of having these stupid roadblocks? Nak saman orang? Aik. Ramai tak de lesen lepas je roadblock tu aku tengok. =.='

Yar3. You the boss. Close all the roads if you could.


Last Friday I fetch some of my friends and there's a roadblock at the road before the Petronas, Shell and McDonald UTM. Nothing happened actually. Maybe the policemen afraid of my brutal face. HAHA! Tomorrow night the same place had a roadblock and also the night after tomorrow! WTF! 3 nights straight! How annoying can it be? The 3rd night I was being told to move aside by the policeman.
'IC dan lesen.'
'Dari mane ni sume?'
'Dari Taman U. Lepak2 mamak tengok bola tadi.'
'Pasang lah Astro kat umah. Tak payah nak susah2 g mamak lagi.'
'Haha' (gelak tak ikhlas) 
'Tu ape tu?'
'Payung. Nak?' 
'Eh, die nak bagi payung. Amek ni nanti hujan bole gune ye tak?'
Aik? Suka hati kau je nak suruh aku pasang Astro? Kalau kau nak pasang kan tak pe la jgak. One more thing, payung pun tak kenal ke? Owhh, police only knew how guns look like. Duhhh, payung pun tak kenal ke bro? Tak kan payung pun nak anggap senjata bro? Agak2 la bro. And one thing for sure, your sense of humour really tickles my ass!

I know that the community feel much safer with police patrol or what so ever the police did. But 3 nights straight at the same place? Seriously annoying. Did you all know about the A.C.A.B? Yar yar yar, the Absolute Chaotic Asian Band. That's just the make up band name to camouflage the truth meaning. And I like the truth meaning for the moment. Have a happy Wednesday!

A.C.A.B Owh yeahh!


p/s : I want to play Counter Strike all day long, be the Terrorist and kill all the Cops a.k.a Counter-Terrorist with a multiple headshot and HE grenade so that their corps are torn into pieces!  

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Tak Senonoh

This month kinda slow for new post. 1st I'm busy with my final exam then I kinda need to pay all my sleep debt this semester break because of late night study during final exam. (da memang kuat tido saje cari alasan) HAHA! So, I want to share things that I did way back in my primary school era.

I studied in Chinese primary school in Segamat. SRJKC Seg Hwa Segamat to be the school where I turned to devil. I mixed up with the Chinese pretty well. Yeah, pretty well and I mean it. I learned how to steal, fight, stalk, curse and most important thing that I learned was sex. All of these things I've learned when I was 9 years old. Ya Allah, terok nye kau Jay2. But, the most interesting part of being such a devil was peeping girls underwear! LOL

Of course all of you knew that girls uniform in Chinese school is the pinafore. So, when Monday we have assembly at the hall. Back then my class was at the highest storey of the school block and of course we had to use the staircase to go to the hall. This is where I peeps the girls underwear. We line up in front of the class and boys will be lining up at the front of the girls. So, when I went down the staircase, I looked up. Guess what? I can saw many types of undie and hotpants of those girls. Cunning eyh? HAHA!

In case you didn't know. This is pinafore.


No need to say much.

What a very stupid thing to do. Hey, don't blame me. I'm very naive and immature. Blame my friends for teaching me. HAHA! What an experience. But I won't forget when I saw some boys didn't wear anything at all other than short uniform pants! No wonder my friends didn't unzipped when they pee. They just simply pull their pants at a suitable height and there you are, urine goes out. Efficient eyh? LOL





p/s : Go to Chinese school, easy to score Biology subject in the future. 





Monday, November 15, 2010

Origin

Ahhh... I love the smell of new entry being post here. It has been a while since the last entry. Yar yar yar, I know you all waiting for me (perasan) and today I'm gonna talk about myself because most of my entry I talked about things that happened around me. So, lets try something new okayh.

Some of you knew me very well and some of you didn't. As you can see on the top right side of this blog stated 

 'JEJEH zafrullah (not the real name)' 

See it? Kalau tak nampak maksudnye korang tinggal lagi 3 Jumaat untuk hidup. HAHA! Kidding. Why I wrote '(not the real name)' there? Its not that I dislike my name but I prefer all of you call me JEJEH. Plus, some of you are pelats and I think its hard for the pelats to call me ZAFRULLAH. Secara tak langsung orang2 pelat ni tak payah lah nak bersusah payah panggil aku ZAFRULLAH. JEJEH suda. Prihatin kan? HAHA!
'Asal panggil kau JAY2?'
'Jauh gler name betol ngan name panggilan kau'
'Name Islamik siaa, tapi perangai macam harrrrmmm'
'Name tak padan ngan tuan nye'
So, those are the ayat common came out from some F peoples stinky mouth! Why Jay2 or JEJEH or Juju or whatever lahh represents me? 1st of all my late grandfather gave the name. When I was a little kid about 3 or 4 years old (can't recall) I have this very special pillow. Senang citer bantal busuk aku ah. Sampai sekarang masih ade lagi bantal tersebut. (tak bole tido kalaw tak de) Asal? Tak bole ke laki tua bangke da nak kawen ade bantal busuk? Hidup aku, aku pnye pasal la. (emosi tbe2) Back then the sarung bantal is pink in colour with Popeye's drawing on it and I loved to gentel2 every tip of the pillow untill koyak. HAHA! Don't ask why I loved to do that, just think positive and it is my bad habit till now! Back to my late grandfather. He always noticed that if I was with my pillow, air liur aku mesti menJEJEH. A lighted bulb appeared on his head and
'Yayi nak panggil JEJEH la. Air liur die asik menJEJEH je bile pelok bantal busuk tu'
That's the special pillow a.k.a bantal busuk.

 So, as time goes by the name JEJEH change to Jay2 then Jay then JJ and lastly J. HAHA! Dunia da maju zaman da berubah. The name JEJEH evolve through out the years because people nowadays are lazy as pigs! Lagi2 text message, sume nk short form. 

Mohammad Zafrullah Bin Salim. Don't call me ZAF or any short name you can find in ZAFRULLAH because its annoying! Two choices for you, its either ZAFRULLAH or JJ. Other than that, my middle finger will raise for you. Yar yar yar, the name ZAFRULLAH kinda Islamic but I'm not that kind of person. Ok. 1st of all I'm a Muslim. Mesti la name kena melambangkan agama betol tak? Lagi pun mase aku lahir bukan nye aku dok bincang skali ngan mak bapak sedara makcik2 sume nak letak name ape. Aku terima je la kan. Korang ade ke dok bincang skali time nk bagi name? Kalau ade aku tak bole nk cakap ape la kecuali F liars. Sometimes I felt ashamed of myself. Yela, name macam ahli syurga tapi perangai macam ahli sihir. Tak bole nak buat ape2 derr, kalau aku tau perangai aku macam ni la kan, awal2 lagi aku soh mak bapak aku letak name garang sikit. Stone Cold ke, The Rock ke kn? HAHA! Ape yang penting I've had a very very bitter memories about people who call me ZAF. Die je lah makhluk yang pertama panggil aku ZAF and she thinks that she was a special person regarding calling me ZAF. Once again F you!

'ZAF! Tutup kan lampu'

Eeeeeuuuuwwwww! Eh, makan taik bole? Even my parents call me JJ and who the hell are you to call me ZAF? And it happened in the class during Form 4. At that time the class was very quiet and suddenly that horrible voice spread to everyone in the class. Macam biasa, that incident spread to the whole world in a blink of an eye. Sucks!

And that's all about the origin of my name. To all the ASPER-ians Semester 1, enjoy your holiday and have a safe journey home. See you all next year and have a happy Monday!

p/s : Some people thought that my name was MOHD. JAY2. How sad can it be?
         

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Subang ke Shah Alam?

Wooot2! Sumpah miang gila tangan waa nk post entry ni! Before this aku ade cakap yang I'll be away for a while due to exams. But hey, who cares! So, ni betul2 punye last entry sebab aku nk 'Fokus Untuk Capai Kejayaan. (F.U.C.K) Pelik2 je budak2 sekarang. Perkataan FUCK yang penuh dengan keganasan serta kejahatan pun boleh jadi something positive.

Yesterday, my friend Zamer came to KL from Terengganu. Die ni budak ALAM. Ade exam dekat mane entah. Disebabkan kerinduan yang melampau terhadap beliau (strictly no gayness!), my friend rented a car for the night just to went out with dak ALAM poyo ni. HAHA! (suke ek kau soh aku ngan mamat pusing2 KL) 9.30 PM, brader rambot panjang with a silver KELISA-VO (our rented car) came. Excitedly I gave him all the document and giving some signature and I'm good to go! Yeehaaaw! Suddenly I realised something! 
'Bang! Meter minyak ni rosak ke?'
'Tak lah. Minyak tu memang cukup2 untuk g petronas dpn tu.'
Terbaik! Aku memang suke lawak brader ni. Ape salah nye bagi minyak lebih sikit. Mentang2 la sewa murah (RM35 for halfday) minyak pun die bagi cukup2 makan. Ciettt! So, I've to go to petronas lah, to isi the minyak. Biasalah kan, I rarely drive. Bila dapat kereta tu rase cam gugup plak tiba2. Dang! Lagi sekentot jek nk parking kat pam minyak enjin kereta waa mati. Malu siaaa awek nampak! FYI, most of the car that I familiar with, tempat nak isi minyak punya button tu aku tau dekat mane. Usually at right-side of the driver's chair. But this KELISA-VO is way too different!
'Paan, mane tempat bukak nye huh?'
'Tah la Jay. Mesti ade sekitar2 sini. Ni tempat bonet. Mesti ade nye.'
'Cari cepat Paan, sumpah aku tak tau kat ne!' 
At this time, I was thinking like 'Am I going to open it manually?' Suddenly a 'click' sound reached my ears. Finally! After sweat and tears of finding that F button! Then, we picked up mamat and drove to Subang! Wuuhhuuu! (bes siaa kalau ade kete sendiri!)

When Zamer arrived at his hotel De Palma I think, he said that he's at SS19. Usually this SS thingy located at Subang. Upon reaching Subang we salah masuk jalan! Damn! Bila salah jalan kena lah u-turn balik kan. Finding the u-turn was like.......(baik balik JB) It was far far far away lah the u-turn. Tak suka siaa aku ngan jalan kat KL ni. In the middle of the road I called Imran to wait for us at KLCC and suddenly Zamer called me and said that he was lepak-ing at a place call Kamal's Corner opposite Pasaraya Bintang at SS7. I don't know who is Kamal but one thing for sure I had to go to SS7 first! Arrived at Subang (dekat 3 kali aku pusing Subang Parade), we can't find a signboard stated 'SS7' or 'Kamal's Corner'. Kinda frustrated at that time. 
'Kau kat ne siaa?'
'Aku kat seksyen 7 ni laa. Kat Kamal Corner.'
'Yelaaaa. Seksyen 7 tu kat ne? Aku da pusing Subang Parade 3 kali ni.'
'Kau follow signboard Padang Jawa tu haa.'
Yeahh! It's better if you said it earlier sebab minyak memang aku isi full tank! Bila waa da smpai Shah Alam si Zamer cakap die kat Kamal's Corner tu lagi. Yar yar yar. We knew that already! Plus, he said that it's near the KFC and Pizza Hut. FYI, Shah Alam ade UiTM. After a few times sesat we thought we must ask someone lah. Bak kate orang segan bertanya sesat jalan dik oiii! You know what's bullshit? Kamal's Corner dekat je ngan UiTM Shah Alam tu. Kenapa lah kau tak cakap awal2 Zamer oii! Lu memang saje nak bagi ktorang sesat kan? HAHA! F 


Yang gelap tu lah Zamer. Mksd aku baju gelap k. No offense. LOL

Next, angkut Imran kat KLCC! In the middle of the road I've received a text message :

'Da smpi nnt kejut kan aku eh?'

HAHA! Lu nganjeng tak bole blah ah Imran. It's all Zamer's fault. Waa ingat nak je langgar die time kat Shah Alam tu. Bagi salam perkenalan sikit kat die. So, we all stop a while at PELITA, the famous mamak in KL. Not the mamaks, but the restaurant. Imran walked there and I thought he was alone. He brought along his friend. Time salam2 tiba2 Imran bisik "baru kenal tadi" WTF. Maka bermulalah cerita sadis seorang kawan yang baru sje kenal ni.
'Nama saya Marwan. Saya asal Sungai Petani, Kedah. Hajat saya mai KL ni nak cari keja. Tapi hari tu saya kena rompak kat Jln Duta. Suma abih kena kebas. Tnggal dompet ngan IC ja.'
'Mak bapak kau tahu tak? Nah, call la mak bapak kau.'
'Tak tau lagi. Lagi pun mak saya sakit. Tak nak susah kn hati mereka.' 

From left : Marwan, Imran. Sori der gmba blurr. Lu xreti dok diam.

At the time we ordered 2 pieces of roti canai for our friend here. Pity him lah kalau da kena rompak duit takde nasib baik die masih lagi berbaju dan seluar. LOL. So, we chat and laughed with the intention to cheer up this Kedah guy. Still can't believe him 100% though. Yar, he looks innocent. We knew! But, even some of our friends didn't get our trust why should him? He's a stranger and its KL derr. Anything is possible. In the end, I asked Imran to come along with me to the counter and we had some discussion.
'Weh, member kau tu cam ne?'
'Ahh, td da tapau roti pas tu kte bagi die duit ckt la.'
'Ok2. Kte bg dlm RM15 lah ek.'
Yes. We shake hands and advised him to be a little more gangsta in face expression so that people takde hati nk ngepau. After that, we all had a blast! Yeehaaawwww! Most important thing is we helped that Kedah guy. Of course we didn't trust him 100% but that's the least we can do to ease up his probs.(kalau betol la) So, if he cheated us, thats his rezeki lah kn. If it was the other way round, we glad that we've helped him even though it was not much. Credit to Imran kerana menjadi seorang yang friendly habis! Not to forget Zamer, yela, kalau Zamer tak lengah2 takde la Imran nak tegur si Kedah guy tu. 


'haha..oke2..but still x luak mne pn an..agipn,18 thun skali je kot aku tlong org cmtu..yg lain tu,biarlh die brurusan dgn-Nya..'


 Ayat Imran yang aku petik dari komen fesbuk dia. Sorry aku tak copy smpai habis sebab, the last sentence tu kinda Ghey!(bagi aku la) HAHA! 



p/s : DM = Dataran Merdeka. Not Dewan Makan! F





Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Away For A While



No more entry for this few weeks. Sorry dear followers. I know you all crave for more of my entry. (perasan) HAHA! Btw, next week I'll have my final exam. DAMN. Why does exams exist? Right now, I'm having the bad-est flu ever! Hingus are everywhere. Really distracted my focus of studying. Cehh. Alasan je lebih tu. So, wait for me on 16/11. By that time I've finish my exams and I have all the time I want to wrote more entry. Adios amigos!

P/s : 'exam fever'? Nahh, its 'flu fever' okayh. =.='

Monday, November 1, 2010

Jamban

Tiba-tiba dapat ilham nak post entry ni. Actually, baru lepas frying some sausages for my sister after studying agriculture along with facebook.(ngadap facebook je lebih) Obviously, sausages got nothing to do with the topic oke. So, here we go.


JAMBAN. Bukan karoke JAMBAN tapi JAMBAN. Get it? HAHA! Sememang nye JAMBAN adalah alat untuk kita (manusia. binatang pun boleh jugak) untuk membuang segala hajat yang terpendam. Other than that, it makes us more civilised. Yela, kalau tak de JAMBAN kita akan berak + kencing merata-rata! Imagine the world without these precious JAMBAN! LOL. Basically there are 2 types of JAMBAN. JAMBAN duduk and JAMBAN cangkung.


JAMBAN duduk. Sumpah tak best!
Why this kind of JAMBAN was created? Sumpah aku tak suke!  I came from kampung. It means that I was born with not silver spoon but with the JAMBAN cangkung. When natures called, I'll definitely choose JAMBAN cangkung. If I had no choice, I'll still cangkung on these JAMBAN duduk! Weird? Teeettt! It's disgusting oke! Plus, my poop wouldn't had the chance to see the world if I duduk. Have you ever wonder what kind of germs and other disgusting thing that would have stick around those JAMBAN duduk? For example, If I'm kinda explode because holding my pee for too long I would just scattered around the JAMBAN. Lagi2 kalau yang 'cherry-berry'. Kompem bersepah-sepah poop all around it. Not to forget there might be some semen of those hormones raging bastards! Just imagine if you sit on it. Eeeuuuwwww!
'Please don't sit on us! We are supposed to be in women's vagina!'
No satisfaction at all!
So, I prefer the nice and stress-free JAMBAN cangkung because if all of the dsigusting things happened to be around the JAMBAN, I don't have to worry at all. Kalau cangkung bontot waa tak kena kat JAMBAN tu. Tak de la aku terduduk atas those precious semen! HAHA! Taik pun keluar dengan bahagia nya tanpa bantuan minyak pelincir. Ni baru tandas lelaki, kalau tandas perempuan tak tau lah ape yang akan korang jumpe. (fikir bukan2) HAHA!



p/s : Agreed? You should be! Disagreed? Pity those sperms. LOL!



Thank You 2

1st of all I want to thank you for those who are following this shitty crap. I'm very very the happy because Teacher Linda who was my English teacher back in SAKTI said something about my blog! Waa macam tak percaye siaa. HAHA! (perasaan macam baru lepas berak) Thank you teacher!

That's the answer for the Maknyahs entry.

p/s : Teacher, rase nye kalau Sir Azman read about his entry dia cool tak? 

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Pimples 2

Yar yar yar. Its about my PIMPLES again ok. I didn't notice any additional PIMPLES on my face (sebab da lali kot dengan JERAWAT), but my friends did! LOL!

I 've just arrived JB and my friend Afiq picked me up and we went for shisha. Wuuhhaaa! Shisha terbaek di Taman U! Of course there were some of my old buddies from matric hang out together.(jeles siaa korang da habis final exam!) While we were watching Real Madrid belasah Hercules with the smoky shisha, some of my friends said to me :
'kau asal makin banyak JERAWAT?'
'makin naik JERAWAT kau Jay, asal?'
'ramai sangat awek ape?' 
Aku sendiri tak tau der nape JERAWAT waa suka sangat beranak. Agak nye diorang minum tongkat ali kot? HAHA! Korang tak taw ke setiap perkataan tu doa? Lain kali kalau jumpe cakap la
'sikit nye JERAWAT kau Jay!'
'bersih ah muke kau Jay'
When you all say that about 40 times, hopefully it will termakbul. Baru la muka waa berseri-seri! HAHA!

Berseri kan? Tettt! More to Ghey face perhaps.

Again, I don't know what kind of facial product should I use to sterile my F PIMPLES! If you have an amazing suggestion, do tell me now!! I can be crazy with these horny PIMPLES! Tapi kalau nak payung aku pegi New York Skin Solution pun bole jugak. Tersangat sangat dialukan. Plus, I don't want people to remember or recognize me because of my PIMPLES. Tak market siaaa.

 p/s : esok korang payong waa shisha pulak eh? Winston da pecah dara ah. HAHA!



Friday, October 29, 2010

Thank You

Congratulation to myself because this is the 10th entry for this brand new blog! Wuuhhhaaa! Thanks for following this crap. Not to forget those who had visited this blog but didn't follow. I've been receiving very positive and negative feedbacks (ade la 1 feedback yang negative) but mostly positive. Thank you very very much! Happy to see you all happy after reading this blog. Yeeehawwww! (horny horse sound)

So, this time I wanted to share something about my life as a student. Before furthering my studies here in UPM, I was a student of SAKTI(Sains Kota Tinggi). Fuuyoooo! Dak sekolah sains siaaa aku ni. Kenapa aku nak share sangat cerita zaman sekolah aku kat korang? Sebab ni blog aku, aku punye pasal lah! HAHA! Cut the crap. So, we continue on my story. Dulu kat asrama wa ade sorang warden ni. Sampai sekarang I can't figure out why all the students called him 'Owl'. I'm pretty sure it was related to him as a warden that always sleep late plus threatening us(budak2 terejal) to cook maggi at midnight!

'Light off! Da pukul berapa da ni...' blablablabla *sambil suluh2 torchlight
'Bloody fool lah you people, mentang2 la da senior da besar bole buat sesuka hati' 
Sir Azman Isa a.k.a Owl. Missed him. LOL!

Why I missed him? HAHA! Strictly no gayness here ok. I missed him because he once cut my hair even my hair is very short like my pubic hair! That's kinda frustrating. FYI, aku masuk kawad kaki mase Form 5. Obviously I've botak about 4 or 5 times that year. Bila rambut aku ala2 bulu ketiak Maria Sharapova baru nak tumbuh, my lovely teacher here cut it! 
'Rambut kau tak panjang, tapi saje nak cukup kan syarat.'
Ok. That's me. Cute eyh? HAHA!

Thnak you sir! Love what you said very much. It means a LOT to me. Actually, when my hair was being cut by him(in a middle of bullying case), there was my junior which possessed TOMOK hairstyle. You know the style where my friends called it 'rambut tepek'. HAHA! The reason why he said to me as 'cukupkan syarat' because he wants to be fair to that TOMOK wannabe! Kalaw die sorang je kena gunting tak adil la kan? Fak you TOMOK wannabe!

Awww... Isn't he cute? F
Although aku da tak dendam kat warden serta budak bajet TOMOK tu, but still I miss my hair lah time tu! Baru tumbuh sikit da kena potong. Yang tak bole blah sideburn waa macam kipas helikopter lalu sebelah waa! Die bagi straight atas telinga punya. Sematt lahh. HAHA! Last but not least, I wanted to congratulate Sir Azman because he was promoted as a disciplinary teacher in SAKTI. Walllahhh! May GOD bless you and hopefully you can open a barber shop in SAKTI so that students can go to your shop and have a nice helicopter sideburn! No offense Sir, you make me remember you all the time. =B

p/s : I can't wait to go to SAKTI again to show my hair to him! Ngeh3. Make him tempted to cut my hair!




Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Cuci Mata

I'm a person who loves to lepak with my friends. Other than sitting at mamak's stall, layan shisha sampai mabuk, round2 JB, me with my friends love to do this particular thing when we get together. 

Kat JB ade satu tempat ni name die SUSUR. Dekat2 ngan Court's Mammoth Larkin. One of the attraction for the tourist including penduduk tetap JB is the Maknyahs! HAHA! Agak pelik bile dak2 laki keluar lepak same2 sume otak jadi bengong. Excited when dapat jumpe Maknyahs (dari jauh la). Bile da nampak clearly wajah mereka yang 'ayu'...... (sume orang menjerit!) 

Phewwit! Baru lepas ke bang? Err.. Akak perhaps?

Other than SUSUR, there's one great spot to checkout for Maknyahs. JB is famous for its City Square. Near the City Square ade kuil India. Senang citer sekitar kuil tu macam Indian town la. Then, there's a street(don't know the name actually) is full of Indian Maknyahs! HAHA! All of them are tough! I think they 'workout' often.(beware of tough guys near you!) Sekali pandang macam perempuan, dua kali pandang ade 'benda' terjulur kat bawah skirt! Ohh Am Gee!

Damn you Maknyahs! HAHA!
FYI, our prime minister had proposed '1 Malaysia'. Yeahh, I kinda agreed with that. Now we have Malay and Indian Maknyahs, so we missed out the Chinese! I didn't managed to find a Chinese Maknyahs yet in JB. I'll try my best to search for it and I'll upload the picture. But still, google is the best yaww! 

I'm turned on when she/he made this horny face! LOL!
I'm not trying to buruk2 kan diorang. They'll just trying to find sesuap nasi.(ayat skema habis!) Surely, they bring joy and fun to me and also my retarded friends. I suggest you to do this with your friends. It's fun because you will get excited when seeing these Maknyahs. But when you come near them, you will scream like hell! HAHA! After that you all will start to kutuk2 diorang and their faces surely will stay in your freaking mind forever!

p/s : Wait till they say 'adik nak tumpang abang boleh?' Auwwwww!